drunken Fullmetal--frustrated Flame
by jmtothemusic
Summary: Edward gets so tired of life that he gets drunk one night, and Mustang finds him. At first, the frustrated Flame is cold to him, until Edward attempts something unspeakable. *starts out light, turns dark and angsty later.*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: the errors are intentional as they are a certain drunken' shrimp slurring his words. Oh, and please tell me if you think I should make a sequel to this, if you liked it. Maybe a review..? ;) Enjoy~**

Colonel Roy Mustang strode his way through the entrance of the military dorms. Shutting the opened door behind him, he removed his black trench coat, mounds of snow forming at the base of his feet. Looking aimlessly around, spotting nothing, he decided he would retire for the night, due to the (apparently) upcoming boredom.

Making his way up the stairs, he allowed his thoughts to travel to his youngest subordinate; Edward Elric, and his younger brother, Alphonse. The two boys had always been such a nusance, getting in the way of his incomplete paperwork because they always managed to make him concerned. Despite this, he secretly preyed for the younger to finally be able to live his life a normal way, as a small, warm child, who could breathe, feel and eat.

But, furthermore, he desired to finally see the two smile. To know that they had what they wanted, and to experience the growth of the children, who never allowed themselves to seem helpless. But, there was no fooling Colonel Mustang. He could see beyond the children's front.

Edward Elric was a boy who could look fierce, even when hunched in a wheelchair, completely helpless. Like the day Roy first met him. To the naked eye, Edward Elric was a boy who never gave up, who needed nothing to depend on, who didn't need to have the comfort from those above him. He could handle anything, anyone, and even when you kick him while he's down, he would still rise to face the next challenge.

But he was human. And even keeping in mind his personality and strength, he was still a child. A child who should be in school, making friends, and taking preliminary exams, the ones at his age level. Hell, it was still illegal for a child his age to hold a part time job! Children should have little worries in the world.

Not Edward Elric. While children should only have the concern of what letter they receive on their papers, and what someone said to their friends, Edward held a job way beyond his years, worrying constantly about his brother, disabled from the senses of the human being. His limbs had been torn from his body, and he had to lug around thirty six pounds of extra weight on his nerves, dragging along with throbbing pain all day, and seeing the suffrage of others. Holding the government job that the public bashes on, discriminated for his childishness, when that's the way he is supposed to behave.

Yes, that was the life of Edward Elric. All alone in the world, simply working for a helpless cause for the only family he has. Nobody to lean on, but still being depended on by others.

And despite this, he keeps going. How? Why torture yourself? Because he's too determined. To stuck on his goal to look at the big picture, the one about his life, his only chance to be a child, and his stubbornly turning away from his own happiness.

Roy Mustang theorized that he would need release; one day he would loose himself and just crack. He's only human... A child at that.

Yawning, the Colonel turned. He had been so deep in his thoughts, he'd climbed several floors above where his dorm was!

Making his tired way down the stairs, glancing at the clock to see it was three in the morning, he heard a shut of a door. A small, cherubic figure stepped out, stumbling their way down the stairs! The figure wavered, tripping, and was seemingly falling...

The exhausted Colonel dashed to the person's side to prevent them from falling down the stairs, and breaking their head open. Stealing a glance at the person's face, he was shocked into recognition.

"Fullmetal?!" The Colonel questioned; the last time he was in Central, the child had requested to go to a little town on the outskirts of Xing, in search for the fabled philosopher's stone.

The younger alchemist smelled sweet. He smelled like something familiar, that Roy had spent much of his time with.. Oh, what was it? For some strange reason, the superior had gotten an odd sense of nostalgia for the smell, and remembered his old friend, Brigidear General Hughes.

Suddenly, realization popped into his mind; the scent was that of the sweetest drink (in Roy's mind) that a person over 21 could have: Vodka.

The child turned his head into the older man's chest, trying with the best of efforts to open his eyes to no avail.

"Fullmetal," Roy spoke, hard voice, "what are you doing in Central...?"

The younger alchemist managed to get his eyes open, the golden orbs staring strait into Roy's onyx colored eyes. The child made a sort of whimpering sound, and began to slur words together, but muffling them into Roy's navy uniform.

"What was that?" Roy spoke, irritation growing along side his anxiety.

"I-goo-ta-goooof-indal", Edward tried, beginning to take some of his own weight onto his small feet.

"Hm? You goota fin dal?" Roy said questionably. He was confused, and slightly amused by the made-up words.

"Noo," Edward breathed, "Igooto-findal", he said, like there was no way Roy could have mis heard him. He then commenced in struggling his way out of the Colonel's arms. Mustang just held him tighter.

"Fullmetal, you drank, didn't you." He said flatly.

"Nnuuu..."

"Don't lie to me, Edward. Tell me the truth. How much did you drink?"

"Ah...Mmby three, fourr.."

"Three or four what?"

"Vodkaa."

"No, three or four... sips, cups, pints?! What!?" The man's voice climbed, earning him the shuffle of someone in the dorm nearby. But his voice had only rose out of frustration, that he had no clue what was happening, why the kid drank, how much, and where the hell was Alphonse?!

"Mmm...bottlees..." the drunk alchemist responded, clearly blind to the man's concern.

"_Bottles?!_ You want me to believe, a little kid like you, drank _three bottles_ of _Vodka?!_" Roy voiced, loosing control, realizing he needed to find somewhere else to continue the conversation.

"Mmm...Maybe fffffourr."

"Edward, you are drunk, and you are going to get sick, and... Where is your brother?!" Roy spoke

"I-gotta-go-finddd himm." Edward slurrmed, struggling to get free from Roy's grasp, much to no avail.

Roy scooped him up into his arms, despite the struggle, and panicked his way down the stairs, knowing well that even he, an experienced drinker, couldn't take four bottles of vodka. If Edward fell asleep, he would go into a coma, or worse... Well, Roy didn't want to think about what could happen.

"Puut mee downn, i nn..i nnn..i need to gett Allll.."

As much as the Colonel was worried about Al, he knew that right now, he couldn't look for him, leave Ed alone, or take the time to think about where he was. Alphonse was a seven foot tall suit of armor, a great fighter/alchemist, and as long as his seal was intact, he was practically invincible.

"Edward, stay awake." Mustang said, rushing into his dorm to get help. Damn, it was always at times like these that he had trouble getting the stupid key into the lock...

"Im soo tirrred..Dontnt tell me wat to doe bastered."

Finally into the room, Mustang slammed the door shut, and dropped Edward onto the floor.

"Ouwwch."

"Ouch? Is that what you have to say for yourself? _Ouch?!_ I'll tell you what Edward, if you're telling me that _that_ hurt, what do you say to finding your youngest subordinate drunk? How about the fact that if I wasn't there, you could have boarded a train, got lost, or got kidnapped? Or maybe you would have wandered the streets by yourself, looking for your brother, and ended up getting beaten by someone, or mugged, or on the sliver chance you would have FOUND him like this, you plan on fighting the enemy, when you could barely stand?!" He boomed. He couldn't express his feelings of relief that he found the kid before something happened to him. He had to express his absolute love and compassion with anger.

"I'm so-"

"Yeah, I heard. You're soooo tired. If you were really worried about your little brother, maybe you would have looked for him instead of getting drunk."

"Nya, I'm-"

And then he bent over the toilet and got sick... VERRY sick. Roy gave him a hard stare, and stalked his way out of the bathroom door, locking it behind him.

"Take care of yourself, Fullmetal" He said coldly.

11111

About an hour later, the colonel awoke to a high pitched squealing noise. Rolling his eyes, he rose from beneath the sheets and strode toward the bathroom, thinking about how he would scold the child inside for waking him. Turning the knob, the man realized that he had locked the door. Reaching for the key, he noticed he had misplaced it. He rapped on the door three times, saying,

"Fullmetal, I-" until he heard something...troubling. It had sounded like a combination of a pained screech and a sob, but mixed so smoothly with Fullmetal's voice, that it sounded more like a cry of pain to Roy.

Softening his voice due to his puzzled-ness, he said, "Fullmetal- I mean, Edward?"

"Ah, emm, erm, ah, ugh, aaaa-" He heard from the inside, but the noise was muffled. He wondered what he was saying, maybe he was putting letters together, or maybe he was styfling his crying, or maybe...

Roy's heart skipped a beat. Fullmetal had cracked... he was trying to- oh, god, oh no... Edward was trying to kill himself

"Fullmetal, stay calm, I'll be right there, don't do it, just stay still... I'm gonna fix it for you, just wait and see-" The panicking Colonel staggered, lifting objects, searching for the keys, frantically searching for the stupid keys, or his gloves, or a crowbar or anything he could open the stupid door with so he free the boy in his bathroom-

"AH-! ermm..."

"STOP THAT FULLMETAL!" He yelled, tearing books from the desk, ripping the drawers out of the closet for the damn keys and spinning back in fourth in a panicking search for ANYTHING that could bust the damn door... _by the time i find it it'll be too late!-_

"ERMmmm...I faillleeeedd youuuuu, i faillled youuuuu...!" Came from the bathroom in a wheezing cry, panting and panting followed, Roy Backing from the door, not having any other way to open the door, ignoring the fact that he now heard someone on the other side of the main entrance to his room, shaking the hinges to try and get in, and ignoring the beat of his heart that was making his whole being shake with frustration and worry and the felling of pressure on his veins and all the MOANING from the bathroom, and the words of fright booming from his lips, screaming all around him as he charged past Riza and Havoc who just came in and he slammed into the door, and again and again and again with the cries of pain from Edward and screams from his confused subordinates and his own voice screaming to live, and not to use the stupid razor he left in there to stab yourself, and crying and screeching, and sweat and pounding hearts, and tears and slamming, and panic and suddenly with one last ram into the door-

He was in.


	2. Chapter 2

-Chapter two-

_"ERMmmm...I faillleeeedd youuuuu, i faillled youuuuu...!" Came from the bathroom in a wheezing cry, panting and panting followed, Roy Backing from the door, not having any other way to open the door, ignoring the fact that he now heard someone on the other side of the main entrance to his room, shaking the hinges to try and get in, and ignoring the beat of his heart that was making his whole being shake with frustration and worry and the felling of pressure on his veins and all the MOANING from the bathroom, and the words of fright booming from his lips, screaming all around him as he charged past Riza and Havoc who just came in and he slammed into the door, and again and again and again with the cries of pain from Edward and screams from his confused subordinates and his own voice screaming to live, and not to use the stupid razor he left in there to stab yourself, and crying and screeching, and sweat and pounding hearts, and tears and slamming, and panic and suddenly with one last ram into the door- _

_He was in. _

* * *

Roy stood momentarily in the doorway; shocked. Edward was resting on the wall near the far side of the bathroom, with a busted wine bottle in his hand, and a massive gash in his abdomen.

"Fullmetal...holy shit, Fullmetal..." was all he could say. His eyes scanned the wound in his youngest subordinates abdomen, analyzing every individual cut to see just how serious Edward was about killing himself. He discovered that, for an expert on the human body, Edward was quite unsuccessful in his attempt of suicide: The gash was angled toward his hip bone more than his actual stomach, so it was unlikely that he could have done much damage at all.

Mustang was at a loss for words. "Fullmetal...how could you..how could you do this to yourself...after all you promised your brother-"

"What do you know, you...you..." Edward struggled with a name to call Roy, forgetting his usual nickname of "bastard".

The two stared at one another, not a challenge present in Edward's eyes; only pure defeat. He stretched his mechanical arm out to the bottle again, but the Colonel harshly kicked it away from his hand. Edward glared up at him, repeating again, "What. Do. You. Know?!"

The Colonel's chin dipped in shame, but nevertheless, he let his voice rise (something he normally didn't do): "What do I know?! I know what it's like to want it all to end, Edward, I know how it feels to want to die!" Mustang hollered, treading to Edward's broken, disheveled body, grabbing him by the collar and pulling his face up to his own. "Do you have any idea, of just how horrible it is to murder people, to set innocent people on _fire_, because you are told to?!"

The two continued to stare in what seemed like mutual understanding, until Edward gritted his teeth, muttering again, "What do you know".

Roy clenched his fists at his sides, dropping Edward to the floor, and stared down at him with all the emotion from Ishval blazing in his onyx eyes. "I know, Edward. I told you this, because I know you weren't trying to die."

_You weren't ready to die._

_You didn't WANT to die._

Riza and Havoc, (who'd had their own struggle to bust down the colonel's door), moved to Mustang's side, confusedly stealing a glance from the Colonel. He didn't acknowledge them out of embarrassment to admitting his suicide attempt to the subordinates who were supposed to look up to him. Riza couldn't help but feel her eyes fill with tears at the thought of Roy's weakness, seeing these two strong people having a terrible emotional breakdown right under her nose. _And I was supposed to protect him..._

"Edward," began the pained Colonel, "Edward...I know what it's like to want to die...and when you wish to die, you sit shocked...wishing to be prepared to kill yourself; are on an emotional roller coaster the whole time, 'should I or shouldn't I'...it's the only thought running through your mind." He was forced to stop for a moment, to avoid a voice crack, or anything that would reveal just how horrified he was by Edward's actions. "I know, Edward...that _that_ wasn't your intention. You weren't set on dying. I know you could never leave this world without fulfilling your goal..." and the Colonel felt a smile play across his lips, "you're too stubborn. And you wouldn't ever pity yourself enough to die."

The room fell dead silent. The uncomfortable staring contest between the Colonel and Edward stopped when Edward dipped his gaze down at the gash he'd carved into himself. Havoc was the first person to speak up. "But, Colonel, he's all beat up. W-what exactly happened in here, if he wasn't suicidal?"

Edward's bangs fell limply over his face in a failing attempt to hide his emotions. "I just-it's not fair", he concluded, as though everyone in the room knew what the Hell he was talking about.

Then he continued; "It's not fair that... that Alphonse is stuck in that cold, metal body when it's all my fault to begin with. He didn't even want to transmute mom, he even tried to stop me! But...but now he's the one who paid the biggest price, and carries my burden. It's just not equivalent exchange."

The Colonel stared at his hands, not knowing what to say, even though it was the stupidest statement he'd ever heard. "So...you hurt yourself...in an attempt to make your pain equal to Al's."

There was no response from Edward, until Riza said, "So then...where's Alphonse?"

And Edward's face lit up. "I...I just... failed him again. I failed to turn him back to normal." He gripped the side of the bath tub, and pushed himself up, using the wall as support. "I have to find him, and tell him I'm sorry...(!) And ask him-"

"Woah, Chief, you're not sober yet." Said Havoc. "Do you know where he is?"

"Uh..."He seemed lost, but then his eyes lit with determination. "I know where he went...I'm sure of it." He said.

"Well, that's great and all...but will there be a fight?" Everyone looked at each other questionably.

"No," concluded Edward, "he's by the river."

**Ok...I know it's really crappy...please give me advice and ideas, i just wrote this because i felt bad about the cliffy. I honestly didn't think anyone was going to read this story, it's surprising! :D thanks for the reviews, if anyone hates this chapter PM me and I'll re-write it. Tell me ideas for this story, I'd gladly take suggestions. To be honest, this was REALLY hard to write. I'm better with emotional drabbley stuff, and having an actual plot is difficult for me. I will take on the challenge though! :)**

**This is going to have to have at least one more chapter to it, so I can conclude it and make it make sense. By the way, this takes time after lab 5 episode. Mustang didn't know Ed's in Central, or injured (like in the actual show). Ok. thanks for reading. Suggestions..? Criticizem? Gimme a review! 3 **

**~jmtothemusic **


	3. IMPORTANT: AUTHORS NOTE! (sorry:)

A/N CHAPTER! SO SORRY! :"(

I'm so sorry to disappoint all you guys, if you were expecting an actual chapter. Unfortunately, this story has given me the ultimate writers block. The second chapter is total crap, in my opinion, it just didn't seem to match with the first. But you guys told me you wanted me to leave it the way it was, and your opinion matters to me! :D

So, I'm going to lay out a few options for this story's direction, and you can vote on a poll that I will post under my profile. Here are the options:

1) The story turns into everyone involved with the suicide trying to heal Edward's wounded mind, through 'family' therapy, and Edward living with Roy for a while. Oh, and Ed gets drunk more than what is healthy. He gets involved with drugs and alcohol and that's why they need the therapy.

I can kill Alphonse, if you want. (BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT. IF THIS OPTION WINS, I'LL POST A SEPARATE POLL FOR TO KILL OR NOT TO KILL ALPHONSE) !

2) I end it next chapter with a happy ending, which I will not tell you about just yet. It involves forgiveness, and Edward wanting to be the strong one for Alphonse. A sweet, fluffy ending.

3) I change the last chapter to be a troll: Edward was just jacking off in the bathroom and there was nothing to worry about in the first place. That, personally, would be my favorite, and it seems like a lot of you guys like that idea ;D

4) I make Ed kill himself and the story is about how they all remember him, regrets, and dark sappy stuff like that. This is another one of my favorite kinds of fics.

**ok. thanks guys, im really sorry to disappoint you guys but i feel it's been too long since last update and I need to get over this block somehow. This is such a bad block b/c i wrote this story when i was 11, and didn't find it until now! (I'm 13 now). so i lost all my ideas. :( anyway, vote on the poll, if not, gimme a review telling me YOUR ideas! I'd love to know :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N at the end! :D**

There was no response from Edward, until Riza said, "So then where's Alphonse."

_And Edward's face lit up. "I...I just failed him again." He gripped the side of the bath tub, and pushed himself up, using the wall as support. "I have to find him, and tell him something...!"_

_"Woah, Chief, you're not sober yet." Said Havoc. "Do you know where he is?"_

_"Ugh...I know where he went...I'm sure of it." Edward said. _

_"Well, that's all great and all.. but will there be a fight?"_

_"No, he's by the river_."

CHAPTER 3~

Edward stumbled out the bathroom door, landing face down onto Roy's apartment carpet. The entire team stood staring at the boy for a while before Riza remembered that he was _on the floor_, and she scooped him to his feet, all the time mumbling about how the stupid men were too dense to help the poor kid up.

"Edward", she began to question, supporting him by his shoulders, "I'm happy you know that your brother is at a river, but where will you find a river in Central..?" Edward looked up at the fan above him with a blank, non processing look on his face. That's when Roy felt the need to speak up.

"There's one way on the outskirts of Central, it'll take us about 45 minutes to get there, by car. So Havoc, go find us one."

"Yes boss." he responded in his unusually upbeat tone.

The car ride was hell...Riza was forced to be the driver, which was always terrible in Central City because of the traffic...but that was not the problem this morning. It was only 4 am, and she was exhausted; in fact, Roy sat in the passengers seat beside her, napping, while she was trying her absolute hardest not to fall asleep.

On the other hand, Havoc possibly had it the worst- he was forced to sit in the back seat with the drunken' Fullmetal Alchemist, who at the time was drooling on his uniform, moaning in his sleep. Havoc was stuck with the same fatigue as Riza, only with a drunk kid drooling on him as well.

Once Riza angrily pulled over near the river, she jostled the car around a few times so the two sleeping men bashed their heads onto the windows, waking them from their slumber.

"Ow..." groaned Edward, clutching a new bruise on his forehead.

"Well, where's your brother, Edward?" demanded Hawkeye, rubbing her eyes.

"He's over there," said Mustang, already 3 steps ahead of Edward who was still focused on finding the river. "Well, let's go tell him what happened, everyone-"

"NO!" yelled Ed, who now grabbed Roy's arm to prevent him from leaving the car.

"Why's that, Fullmetal?" he responded in a calm, amused tone.

"I just..." he began, gaze drifting to the floor of the car. "Just don't...I don't want him to-"

"To know you got drunk, Chief?" chimed Havoc, earning a glare from Ed.

"Yeah."

"Well how are you supposed to make amends with your brother if he doesn't know what happened?"

"Look guys..." Ed started, each word slurred slowly, "you wouldn't understand...I just want to look after my little brother, and I haven't done a very good job so far. Just let me be the strong one for him to look up to...I've failed him enough already." he said, a painful voice crack on the last part. The team sat in silence, until Roy decided to accept his subordinates wishes.

"Fine, Fullmetal, we won't say anything about your..._issue_, but you have to let us help you find him."

"Alright." rasped Edward.

Havoc agreed to stay by the car, while Riza and Roy set out along the river shore line to find Alphonse. Edward looked out at the sun rise, seeing a suit of armor gleaming in the light of the sun. He ran toward it, avoiding tears falling down his cheeks, and stopped directly behind the figure.

Al turned to face his older brother. "Are you here to tell me I'm fake, Ed?! Because I know I'm running out of _time_ to be your little follower!"

Neither Hawkeye, Mustang, or Edward understood what Alphonse meant by 'running out of time', but nevertheless, Ed spoke up.

"Al, I'd never tell you you're fake..."

"You're right Ed, because you want me to keep helping you find your arm and leg! You created a fake Alphonse for your own selfish needs! How could you...how could you make all of that up...!" Al trailed off, feeling absolute sorrow in his words, remembering his mother and all of the memories with Winry and Ed in Resembool.

Edward moved beside his brother, trying his hardest not to trip on the way, and stood, looking up at the little brother he loved so much.

"Al, I could never make all of that up... are you telling me that everything you remember, with you, and me, and Winry in Resembool, making trouble and running until we fell inside of the river was all just made up..? Are you telling me you don't believe that you were crying your eyes out by mom's grave, just to be fooled by me into bringing back the dead..? Are you saying you don't BELIEVE that you and I would stay up all night after night planning equations and indulging in alchemy so we could go back to the life we used to have?! Do you think that I don't really sincerely want to make you normal again, that my only wish is to get back my old limbs and that I don't become a useless pawn to the military because I love you and want you to be happy again?! HUH..?! Al, do you really believe that you were never Alphonse Elric, a sweet little boy who was dear to Mom, Winry, all your old friends, and that you never were my beloved little brother...? Do you think I could really make all of that up?"

At that point everyone went quiet. Riza and Roy were frozen with uncertainty of what to say, the silent understanding passing between both of the brothers.

"Then let me ask you this, brother..." began Alphonse in a quiet, boyish voice... "What were you afraid to tell me that day in the hospital... why wouldn't you say anything when I accused you of making me up?"

"It's because...it's because..." Edward stammered on the verge of tears... "It's because I wanted to know something... I wanted to know if you hate me for what I did to you, Al...and I'm still afraid of asking, to this day."

Nobody moved. Edward tried to keep his lower lip from trembling. Alphonse felt his metal heart break in two.

"Brother...I don't hate you...and...I want to go back now."

The two stared at each other, wanting to hug but both knowing that Edward would hate it if Mustang saw him and his brother hug. So they simply smiled at each other knowingly, chatting lightly all the way back to the car.

Unfortunately, Alphonse knew something was lurking in the shadows behind the blood seal. Only, his older brother was not ready to face it.

* * *

**A/N: Because of the AMAZING idea suggested by ScarMaskWarrior, my writers block has been over come! This will have more chapters coming for it, and is going to get way better! Check out ScarMaskWarrior's stories for FMA, they are REALLY AWESOME! Thank you again!**

**Anyway, this is how it's gonna go:**

**Al has something horrible to tell Edward (not going to spoil it right now!), and eventually they both hit the books in an attempt to save Alphonse's life. Edward will be getting more drunk more often now, to the point we will be having a little "family" therapy with Roy, Al, Ed, Riza, Winry, and Havoc. Insanity ensues. This fic will be sad, but will have some really hilarious scenes in it, (THANK YOU AGAIN ScarMaskWarrior!) And, we might have a little shrimp housing with Roy for a while, until he runs out of patience and gives him to Riza, who gives him to Havoc, who ends up back at Roy's house. This is going to be a bumpy ride, guys. Hope you like it! Thanks for reading! Xoxoxoxo 3**

**~jmtothemusic **


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a month since Roy had found Ed drunk.

And the two boys were acting _weird. _

One time, they'd been in his office getting their next lead for the stone. This was normal, but the strange part was that Alphonse just collapsed on the floor...

Everyone panicked, including Edward, until the kid woke up suddenly and said that he must have been exhausted from journeying around so much.

To most, this would have been ordinary, acceptible... but Al's an empty suit of armor.

And last time Roy checked, armor didn't get _tired._

That was when Roy's suspicions began, really; he was curious as to why Edward had just nodded his head solemley at Alphonse's lie, and how absolutely ridiculous the sentimate was.

What, did they think Roy was stupid..?!

But, as said, that was just the beginning; for not only was Alphonse acting _weird, _Edward was as well.

For example, this one time he was on his way to the office to give Roy his report, and Mustang watched him walk right by the building. After he passed, Roy thought he must have been trying to avoid the paperwork that surely would come, but then the kid just _stopped._

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, turned around and entered his office.

And when he was in the office, he was stumbling around like he was...

like he was _still drunk__._

But that wasn't it; whenever he gave Roy the reports, or just picked up his next mission, he didn't have a single complaint; he didn't say one word to Mustang, and didn't seem to have any sense of balance. He'd trip and stumble like an old man, and sometimes, he'd lean against the ebony desk for support.

It. Was. _Weird. _

* * *

Riza Hawkeye poked her head into the office door, addressing the Colonel with the most respect she had in her voice.

"Sir, Edward is here to see you."

Mustang was shocked, to say the least; Ed's report was due next week, and Ed usually found excuses to stay _away_ from the Colonel; like he was some sort of contagious disease that should be avoided.

"...Send him in, I guess."

Riza cocked her head, sensing the question in his voice. She stepped aside to let Ed and his larger, younger brother through the doorway.

"Fullmetal, it's so nice of you to grace me with your presence, what brings you here today?" Roy said with the most smug and sarcastic tone he could muster, trying to get a rise out of the kid as best as he could.

And yet, _nothing._

"My report. Have any leads?" He stated flatly, then asking the question as anxiously as possible. Al's suit trembled softly, for Roy could hear the slightest tinkling of metal on metal. The armor sat on the couch in a relaxed looking position that had Roy wondering; Al was always as respectful as possible toward the Colonel, yet the way he was sitting...

"I don't have any leads for you this time" Roy said, then added, "But you can research in the library, I hear there's a whole new stock of books on the origin of myths."

Ed shook his head in disappointment, and slowly turned to leave the room.

"Wait," the man protested, "I need a word with you two."

Ed went ridged, and turned again to face Roy.

"What exactly is going on with you two lately? Al is keeling over abnormally because he's a suit of armor, and Ed- you're not acting yourself."

Neither of the two spoke, but Ed stole a glance at his little brother. Al nodded at him, armor creaking.

There was a short silence that couldn't have been louder.

"Well?!" demanded Roy, losing patience.

"You know how Al's soul and armor are connected through the bloodseal, right?" asked Ed shakily, softly..._unfittingly_.

"Yes, and..?"

Ed couldn't continue, so he turned away solemly.

"My bloodseal is failing, Colonel." Al softly stated.

Roy breathed in, understanding what this meant.

Al was dying.

* * *

It was that same night when Roy had dismissed them that he decided he wasn't finished yet.

Riza entered the office with another one of her blank looks on her face, saying to Roy "He didn't go to their dorm."

The Colonel was aware that the dorms were the same direction as the library, so Riza was not making any sense.

"Lieutenant, I don't understand; clarify."

"I wasn't done, sir." She said, "Al went to the dorm; but Ed didn't."

Mustang knew she was suspicious; she was acting too unreadable. She was trying to imply that he should check on them, and he always trusted Riza's judgement.

"Will you watch the office while I'm gone, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir." She didn't bother saluting to him, because her arms were already full of papers.

* * *

Roy walked the opposite way of Ed's dorm; searching for a head of blonde hair and a brash looking jacket. Of course, with that kind of outfit to search for somebody, it was an easy spot.

_There he is._

Roy decided that he'd follow the boy wherever it was he was going, having no idea why he was so concerned but nevertheless wanting to prove Hawkeye's suspicious wrong.

But, he was not so lucky.

When Ed turned onto street after street, Mustang found himself getting lost, not being able to identify exactly where he was at the moment he was there. He was lost, and wondered if Ed was too.

But it didn't seem so, since Edward's pace didn't lag, and didn't quicken as though to lose him.

However, Roy became extremely unsure when the kid turned onto a small, dark ally-way. And Roy had a clue about what he was doing back there.

It was then that he heard the conversation:

"Hey, kid it's you again; need another bunch?" The man spoke with a heavy street accent, and his voice was deep and manly.

"Yeah," responded Ed's light, higher voice, "I need some dope, and I'll have a shot right now."

_He's doing drugs...and he's drinking. He's so depressed that he's swallowing his feelings and getting high._

"Okay, how much 'ya want, two bottles good with you?"

"No," Roy interjected, stepping into the ally and getting a look of surprise (though not pleasant) from Ed, and disgust from the dealer. "Fullmetal, I want you in my office right now." he demanded, pointing his finger out of the alley way and staring him down.

Ed scowled back.

"Hey, kid, I thought you said you ain't got no parents, huh?! That we wouldn't get caught, now?" The man seemed a bit irritated to say the least, and hit his face so Mustang wouldn't be able to report him. But that face was burned into his mind forever.

"He's not my _dad."_ Ed drew out the last syllible and turned to face Roy in a way that expressed 'you're not the boss of me'.

"_Now"_ Roy commanded, shooting him a look back that said, 'I _am_ the boss of you'.

Ed rolled his eyes, turning to the dealer to express a look of apology and annoyance. He then pulled out his wallet as though he was just going to ignore the Colonel and continue on with his business.

"Fullmetal! You obey your surperior officer's orders, now get into my office or I'll court-martial you!" He shouted.

"Tsk, you can't court-martial me, it's after hours." Edward mocked him in a way that really crawled under the man's skin, earning a chuckle of approval from the dealer, who whispered something to Ed, handed him two bottles of substance and a needle of some kind.

"I most certainly can arrest you for this, Fullmetal; those drugs are illegal to sell or to carry, and if I accuse you of that there are a series of exams that can prove me right."

Ed then froze, glancing at the dealer, knowing this would get both of them in trouble if he let this happen, and decided to hand the drugs back to him.

The action had his hands shaking from a withdraw.

But if Ed got himself and the dealer in trouble, it would be difficult to get himself the drugs he wanted and he'd be under constant survaillance, which could lead to Al being found out. Or worse; he could run out of time.

He nodded at the dealer and walked toward the Colonel in an irritating way, but still looking both guilty and...

_Humiliated?_

"In my office, now."

"Heard you the first time."

* * *

"How could you _associate _with them, Fullmetal?! How could you just _throw yourself away_? What are you thinking?!"

The questions were pouring out of Mustang's angered mouth before Ed had a chance to answer them: they were getting thrown at him so fast he couldn't think of a way to weasel his way out of trouble.

"Look, Colonel, it's none of your business anyway. I've been doing my work and the drugs haven't been affecting your life in any way."

This caused Mustang to bristle, because he was right; they weren't causing any trouble to anybody but himself. What Ed did shouldn't concern him, and it was extremely difficult to come up with a sufficient excuse for him caring about what happened to Ed.

"I don't want to hear it, Fullmetal." Was all he could come up with. "You're going to stop this behavior right now, you hear me?!"

"I hear you, but I'm still not listening."

_Nice._

"I'm going to get you a set of bodyguards, Edward...and you're not going to be able to get away this time. Shape up, Edward."

He scowled at his comment, and simply stood up and sucked up to his Colonel.

"I apologize, _sir," _he said, bowing in a way that only he could make disrespectful. "it won't happen again."

At this, Roy dismissed Ed.

But he knew it wasn't over.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah...I haven't the slightest inspiration to write this story, you guys...but I don't want to just abandon it, or give up, so I'll finish it as quickly as I can without rushing it.**

**I promise I'll do my best.**

**So, do you like where this is going? I'd love to hear from you! :D**

**Sorry for the late update, as I said, lack of inspiration and ****_other stories to attend to._**

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, fav/following! It means a lot, and i hope you're enjoying this story. **

**S****HAMELESS ADVERTISING:**** Check out my story 'How could you..?' which is about Edward killing Roy. It's crime and mystery, with a lot of angst. I've been addicted to writing it, and it involves Ed in prison with the team solving the mystery (I won't say what it is yet) It's also updated weekly unlike this story ;).**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the late update! I was considering handing this story over to the AWESOME ScarMaskWarrior, but I've decided I'm going to see how this chapter works out before thinking about that more. Hey, I might get inspired from this. Thank you all for the encouraging reviews, reading follows/favs! I really appreciate it all, and I'll try my best to update sooner. :)**

* * *

By the time Roy had lost his willpower to hold back, they were ready to talk.

Edward and Alphonse, that is.

He'd given them a swiftly spoken call of "get over here", and the two had stomped their way to his office.

Roy was tired of overlooking how strange Al'd been acting: the shuddering, the lack of speaking...But moreover, what he'd seen Edward buy.

Edward had bought drugs from a dealer on the streets of Central, and worse, right after the colonel himself had a meeting with the teen.

The two stood awkwardly in front of him, while he sat curiously behind his mohoghony desk. Edward shifted impatiently, while Alphonse stumbled for a minute, earning him a sorry look from a concerned Edward. Roy simply observed the two until they noticed he was watching, to which Edward rolled his eyes and Alphonse rubbed the back of his helmet out of sheer embarrassment.

"Alphonse." Roy began, not knowing how to put exactly what he was feeling despite the fact that over the past four days it'd been all he'd thought about; he considered how this conversation would go a thousand times over, weighing his options of approach carefully, inspecting the different responses the boys would have and cautiously planning his words. Yet still, he'd come up with no solutions to which they'd simply be honest with him.

That was just how difficult these two could be...

"I need to speak with the two of you in private."

...And Roy wouldn't have them any other way.

* * *

Edward's knees were locked as tightly as his mouth: No matter what kind of authority the Colonel had over him, he'd keep quiet about the issues he was struggling with, knowing that one utter of a word would have himself figured out, and Mustang diving strait into his problems, indulging himself in the sorrow the two were feeling.

He could only hope that Alphonse understood.

"I need to speak with the two of you in private."

Al nodded politely beside him, though both of them knew the movement would cause him to shutter with the response.

Edward silently wondered how Mustang would start this little conversation: The last time Edward had seen him was when he was caught with his Sugarman; his dealer. He remembered sourly how he didn't obtain any of his usual stuff, how bitter that week was because his boss had gotten involved in his business.

And he could only imagine how disappointed Roy was in him.

_Wait, why the Hell do I care what he thinks?!_

Edward's emotions had been on a roller coaster that week: It all started when he and Al reunited. He'd noticed Al was acting strange even before Roy had, though since Alphonse was his little brother, Ed was always the first to notice such things. He'd seen the shuttering, the constant stammer of words in his voice and his silence. Sometimes, he'd stare off in the distance when he'd mentioned his research to get their bodies back, and once Al had even questioned whether getting his body back was even possible.

_"Of course it is, Al! We've been over this, remember? You got all pissed at me because you thought you were fake and stuff..."_

_"I know, brother, but...what if I return to my body...and I'm already dead?"_

"Edward," Roy continued, "I need to know if Alphonse is aware of our confrontation last week... you know the one."

Of course he knew the one, and of course Al didn't know...how could he possibly tell Alphonse that he was...well, that he'd almost killed himself? Al knew that he meant the world to Ed, but how could he tell his little brother that without him, he'd rather die?

_"Al, you still in there..? You haven't turned the page in about five minutes."_

_"..."_

_"...Al?"_

"Edward, please speak up: there's a reason I called you two here, and though I don't wish to admit it, I'm a bit worried about the two of you."

_"Al, you're freaking me out..."_

_"..."_

_"Please say something."_

_"..."_

_"If you're trying to scare me, it's not working."_

_"..."_

_"...Okay, fine it's working: You win. Now just talk to me."_

_"..."_

"Fullmetal, I'm not sure you understand that the buying and selling you're taking part in is a crime, and that you could lose all research funding if it's found out. Right now, you're in no position to lie to me, or stay silent. Speak up."

...Yes, he was on an emotional roller coaster indeed; it was after he'd had a long, depressing conversation with Alphonse, that he'd discovered his Sugerman, that he'd discovered the shortcut to happiness:

_"...A-"_

_"AH!"_

_"Al! Are you okay in there? Did you space out?"_

_"I...I'm sorry, brother."_

"Alphonse, do you know of Edward's whereabouts? Do you know what he's been buying?"

-The shortcut to happiness, was getting high.

_"Sorry for what? Scarin' me?!"_

_"No...I just-I...I have something to tell you."_

"Alphonse, speak up. Edward, I'm going to have to tell Alphonse of our confrontation if you don't speak up and tell me exactly why the two of you have been so strange lately."

_"What? What do you have to say?"_

_"...I just-"_

"Brother." Alphonse said softly, snapping Edward back from his jumbled thoughts of the past, his mind wandering back to reality. He glanced at Al, catching his soul-filled eyes that expressed the deepest sorrow. Alphonse looked as though he was desperate, for some reason.

"Al-"

"I-I think we should t-tell him, Brother. There's no point in hiding it, since he'll find out eventually." Al's voice was timid, the quietness making Edward strain his ears to listen; it was a trick Al tended to use on him often as a way to make him shut up. But this time was different: This time he used this voice to show how strongly he felt about telling Roy the truth.

Edward's gaze fell to the floor below him. Deep inside, he understood where Al was coming from, that he was only concerned for his older brother, and that either way Mustang would find out.

_"I just-"_

_"...you just what, Al?"_

_"I just...Brother, I'm..."_

_"...I'm..."_

_"I-"_

"I'm dying, Colonel Mustang." Alphonse said, a small voice within a massive suit. The words, no matter how quiet, were heard clearly though Roy had strained to hear them...and they pierced him strait in the heart. Edward's forehead creased with the anguish that came from Al's honesty, the powerlessness he felt when he realized there was nothing he could do.

_"I'm dying, Ed."_

"What..." Mustang trailed off, his own voice softening as he took Al's words to heart, realizing that no matter how long he'd planned this conversation, that no matter how many answers he'd expected to receive from this confrontation, he could never be prepared for those two words.

_"W-what do you mean, Al? Do you mean that we're all dying, like, philosophically?"_

_"No, Brother... I'm dying, right here, right now."_

"H-how, Alphonse...how is that possible?" The colonel's eyes became glazed, his normally smug face conjuring into a sorry, blank look that turned Ed's stomach. His words were slightly muffled by his hands, which he buried in his face.

"My blood seal", Al continued in his small, thread voice, "it's failing."

_"Slowly, but surely, I'm falling apart: I've travelled to The Gait and seen my body..."_

"My real body has already died."

_"It's dying. And once it's dead..."_

"My soul is d-drifting back to its original vessel, so some days are better than others..."

_"...Which is why sometimes I just 'shut down' like that."_

"Any day now I'll just-"

"Stop." Edward interjected, his lip trembling in the resistance of tears: He remembered the first time he'd heard Al's speech, how calm and composed Al said those words, how collected he'd been even though Ed could hear the sadness in his voice. How Al had seemed so ready for death, as though it didn't scare him in the least.

But, even worse, was how Edward himself broke down: How he lost his cool and was brought to tears from his little brother's words, how he was not the one who was dying, and yet was the one who'd fallen apart. For HE was afraid; he was afraid for his little brother. He was afraid of a life without Al.

"I...I don't know what to say." Roy murmured, his voice almost catching from being activated once again, a breath he didn't realize he was holding being released as his mind spun from the questions he had, the questions such as "WHY" that he just wanted to scream to the heavens.

"Yeah." Ed whispered condescendingly, though the two understood it was because he felt so low himself. "There's nothing TO say. It's over."

And he stormed from the room like a wild hurricane of emotions, Al following subtly behind.

...And Roy was left to bundle his own whirlwind of emotions inside.

* * *

**...Review? I hope that the two or three conversations going on at once wasn't too confusing- if needed, I'll do some more editing, since I was trying to make Ed's mind spinning with different thoughts, since he's probably still high from all that's happening. Let me know if it's understandable~! Thanks for reading once again =)!**


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